Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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