Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Send help, water and tortillas.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
