I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
