I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
