The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
