i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
