It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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