If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
