As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
