I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
