do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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