I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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