mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
did i just pee glitter
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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