You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
