I have demons in me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
