WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
