Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
