It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
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Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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