Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
