It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize