you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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