wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
