I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
