Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
