The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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