Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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