i already hear my dad disowning me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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