Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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