i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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