Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
