So drunk, too bad you don't want this
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
