oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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