At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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