Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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