I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
