I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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