How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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