So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
