Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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