yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
