I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Do you still have your period?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
