I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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