obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
