i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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