Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
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Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
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We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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