Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
