dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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