she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
