You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I need a burrito and a hug.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
