from now on my penis is your penis
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
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I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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