Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
