We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
