My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You're like the curious george of whores
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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