he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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