I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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