'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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