Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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