you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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