She bit a glass in half.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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