I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
