Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
