I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
