There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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