you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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