We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
