Soap is not a condiment
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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