i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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