Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
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