In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am available for nakedness
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
