he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
