Your dad touched me again.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
